Vale Alan

Loss. There's such an empty, disbelieving gap. Every few minutes after 1.30 pm today I'd look out the window at work and be conscious of the sun shining, a breeze wafting through the window, a distant bird. And I'd think: he's gone.

I called him two weeks ago, as he lay in hospital. He could barely draw the breath to talk to me - but I just wanted him to listen. To say I was here if there was anything I could do. To say he meant so much to me. That he'd been part of an amazing journey we'd been on together. A mentor, a friend, a valued and respected colleague, a wonderful boss. Next to my husband and parents he was the first person I told I was pregnant. (I can still remember the exact look on his face, the silence and then the word "s--t" which was the only thing he could think of to say. Several times!). We joked about it for years.

He was totally supportive, had high ideals on the value of women's careers, was passionate about his football club (the tie, the mug, the paraphernalia that cluttered his office) and his son's sport. He spoke so fondly of his kids, was enormously proud of them, never held back from telling funny stories about them, made it obvious that they continued to surprise and delight him. When I was a new parent, he talked of how he'd held his baby daughter while he studied for his PhD. He could always relate.

And now he's gone.

I was privileged to work with him. Privileged to know him. He was always good company, always down to earth. He shared my TV debut and I remember being amazed at how media savvy, cool, calm and collected he was. We had a good laugh about how nervous I was in comparison - even muttering nonsense good humouredly under his breath during the filming, helping me to relax. He shared my dream for that project and he carried it as Project Director through thick and thin.

I will miss you Alan. Thankyou for being the special person you were.

Deidre.